What does it mean to surrender? Who or what am I surrendering to? Surrender is a vague concept to me. But, as I ponder it this comes: I am surrendering to the need to try so hard to succeed. Success comes easily when I allow the Universe to bring it to me instead of chasing it, forcing it or requiring it to show up on my own terms. Ultimately, it's the letting go of the outcome of the thing I'm wadded up over and then... the outcome of anything afterward. It's letting go of expectations, dollar amounts and the behavior of any person I've imagined to fall in line with my plans. If I'm honest, it's a tricky thing to release. So many years of imagining myself as the star on the stage while my haters beheld me from the nosebleed section has me feeling like a self righteous martyr. The recollection of words that may or may not have even been spoken to me, "you'll never amount to anything"- still sting. It was more of a feeling that took hold of me in those years of teenage motherhood, isolation, domestic violence, mental and emotional abuse at the hand of a man who wasn't much more of an adult than I was. His childhood experiences made our life inevitable. A couple of mangled puzzle pieces forced together for the sake of finding a piece that sort-of fits. Our traumas attracted one another. Here's the conundrum... How do I strike a balance? If I don't try to succeed, how does it happen? How do I do all the things I need to do in my businesses with surrender? If I completely surrender wouldn't that mean nothing gets done? How does success happen? Where is the middle ground? Then I remembered something I learned recently in my Nervous System Regulation Certification Training. A continuum. As I was journaling I sketched it out: